Day 4 -An experience that made me who I am today.
This is a really difficult question. There are a lot of things that make me the person I am today.
I was born into a family that did not have alot of money or material things. My parents had their issues. I will not share them here. They did the best they knew how with us. We were never starving or seriously injured. They kept us safe the best they knew how. When I was 7 years old I lost 60% of my hearing. This changed me in so many ways I can't explain. Kids in school are mean, that's for sure. However, I still loved school. I loved learning. I however, avoided most kids and only had 1 or 2 friends in school.
In my teen years, my parents were very overprotective. I didn't go anywhere, except school. That was just how it was. I was extremely shy and insecure. At 19 I met a guy. I was trying to escape my parents. I was a good girl. Did well in school. Never did anything to get anyone upset with me. Or tried not to. However, now I wanted out. I thought I was in love. Someone actually loved me back. However I did the one thing I had promised God and myself I would never do. I was so afraid of losing the 'guy' in my life. I would have done anything to make sure I stayed with him. Looking back, that kinda scares me now.
This was the first thing to completely change my life. At this point I realized that I did not want to ever put my child in any danger. I wanted a stable home, a stable life. My whole being started to revolve around this precious, precious being that had come from me. I wanted to do it all 'right'. However, I still didn't know what the right way was. I was determined to find out. I was never going to put anything ahead of this little guy. That included men. The one guy I thought I loved was now far away. I had moved to RI with my parents before I even knew I was pregnant. My parents were a huge blessing to me during this time.
Sure I was interested in other men. Thought they were cute. But that was the extent. I was not getting involved ever. I started a family day care so I could home school my son. I had heard horrible stories of a teacher in our area that called kids names in the classrooms. This one young shy boy was called "stupid" along with other names. There was no way I was taking a chance with my son. No one was going to hurt him in any way. (In that area I guess I became overprotective)
Then I met Angel who changed my world once again. Here was a guy who loved me for who I was. He was pushy for sure. He did not stop trying to win me over. He changed my life in so many ways. He wanted to adopt David but was very understanding when David did not want to change his last name. After 6 years of dating and only seeing each other on weekends. We were married.
This was a huge change. We moved to Connecticut. I no longer did home daycare or home schooled. David wanted to go to public school and Angel agreed. At this point I didn't know what to do with myself. I got involved in the school's PTO. This shy girl eventually took over as co-president of the PTO (although I still did the background work while my other co-president dealt with the stuff I avoided..lol) along with leading the Grinder Lunch Program and even the Fundraiser.
Then this little girl was born. However the first 24 hours of her life were shattered when it was discovered she had a cleft palate. The docs and nurses we dealt with had no understanding of what this truly meant. After a nurse forcing a bottle of formula down her throat which Anna aspirated into her lungs, Annaleah ended up in NICU, un-necessarily for over 2 weeks. The first week of docs not knowing what to do with her and me having to constantly remind them that she needed special bottles to prevent in from happening again. The fights for them to let me pump milk for her. It was horrible. They finally sent her to another hospital who spent the week teaching her how to eat so they could remove the tubes. This whole experience changed me once again. I discovered I was a lot stronger than I thought. I learned to fight for her. To learn what I needed to learn on my own. I no longer just trusted other's words.
There are so many things that make me who I am. Being a child/teen and watching how adults treat other kids (I have seen alot there). I have always been very aware of things around me. They shaped me in so many ways. Then there are big things. My grandmother's passing. Watching my mom as we almost lost my dad. I will say my parents have always amazed me. My dad even with his struggles with alcohol always made sure we had food. Always made sure we were safe. My mom has stuck through it all. Her endurance is amazing to me.
Lastly, the recent health issues with my husband. I am learning not to take this time for granted. To watch the strong men in my life suddenly fighting for their life has been the hardest experience I have ever had to go through. I know that each time I am getting stronger.
The Lord is showing us so much through each experience in our lives. He is shaping me to be the person He wants me to become.