Saturday, April 23, 2011

Letters to Angel

Dearest Angel,

Today is Saturday, April 23rd.  We came to Hartford Hospital on Tuesday, April 19th for your liver transplant.   They wheeled you away at 7am the next morning for surgery.  Who knew you would spend the next week fighting for your life.  Wednesday, I experienced the most painful moment in my life. 

Dr. Brown came in at 2:45pm and escorted me to a private room.  He sat me down and proceeded to tell me that there were complications in the surgery and your thin blood was just bleeding out on the table.  They were fighting to stop it.  It looked like you were not going to make it off the table. 

Honey, I won't tell you what happened in detail but I will tell you that I had never felt such pain in my life.  I was stunned and not sure what I was thinking.  Dr. Brown gave me a hug and asked me if I wanted to see a Chaplin.  No. I didn't want to see anyone at that moment that didn't know me.  I admit I did think of Jason.. but quickly passed that thought to the side.  After Dr. Brown left I pleaded and begged the Lord over and over.  Some did send a Chaplin but I did not feel any better.  I only felt like I had to be polite. 

The next 6 hours were the worst.  Steph rushed to be with me and we waited 6 long hours.  Everyone in waiting area was gone.  Steph left the private room and started using the hospital phone to make some calls.  She finally got someone on the phone who could find out what was going on. 

Dr. Lally and Dr. Shames came to talk to me.  You were alive but not doing well.  When they tried to connect the arteries of the liver together they had difficulty.  Somehow the liver cracked and that is where the bleeding started.  They managed to pack you up with ice and gauze but they couldn't close you. 

Finally at almost 2:30. Almost 20 hours later, I was able to see you.  It wasn't good but you were alive!  I didn't make it back to the waiting area on my own however because Steph came rushing towards me.  Apparently I was sobbing loudly.  I would guess it was louder than I did with "My Lucky Star". 

Amazingly you have spent the next 3 days fighting as we wait for a new liver.  We are still waiting and praying.  There are hundreds of people praying for you right  now.  Cesar is updating your family.  I really tried to update your mom up to that point but I just couldn't do it anymore.  I couldn't tell her that horrible news.  I immediately called Cesar and told him.  I am surprised he could understand me.  I was a mess and I hope you can forgive me.

You have been put back on the list for a new liver.  You are top priority in New England and that includes 0+ since you are in critical condition.

I love you and I can not lose you.  Please stay strong for us.  Hold on tight until a new liver comes.  Don't give up!

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