It’s pretty obvious to me that I am having some anxieties this morning. Yesterday as I was walking home from the school after dropping off Ethan, my mind started to wander. It decided to focus on ‘what if’s’.
What if Angel didn’t make it when the new liver cracked?
What would have happened to us?
Who would I call about the house?
Would we still be living here? If not where?
How would we be able to carry on without him?
It only got worse til I walked into the door of our house. Angel said something to me and the tears started pouring. Of course, at this point he is demanding to know what happened.
Last night I dreamed he went into surgery to have his hernia removed (caused by the liver transplant). From what I can gather, a few days had passed and he still did not wake up. In my dream it felt like it was happening again. I was trying to sit at the hospital and work on our taxes and school planning for Anna. Dan (a guy who works at the hospital and was super nice) was trying to encourage me that everything will be okay. Then I woke.
Today we leave for Angel’s appointment with the transplant team. He has not seen them since the beginning of December. The focus will be the hernia removal. I don’t think I have to mention how terrified I am.