So frustrating!

I am extremely agitated today.  I will explain why but first I am going to rewind to yesterday. 

Morning started off great.  I walked in to Angel's room and he was awake.  I said to him.  "Hi Honey!  Do you know where you are?"  Well I got the look from Angel that said.. What kind of a stupid question is that?!  I had never been so happy to see that look.  Sadly, it didn't last long because he started to seem confused again. During shift change, I grabbed lunch and headed back in at 9.  Angel was sitting on a special chair.  He was sitting there for about an hour and they moved him back to the bed.

I spent all morning trying to be pro-active and prevent irritation on his part.  He would make scratching motions with his hands and I would scratch his beard.  He would try moving his legs and I would exercise them.  It all seemed to help.  At one point he started to get really agitated again and I asked him a round of questions.  "Are you in pain?"  No Response.  Then as I wanted him moving his bottom half of his body off the bed like yesterday, I asked.. "Do you need to go to the bathroom?"  He nodded his head viciously.  I told the respiratory guy and he asked the same.. Angel once again nodded his head.  I felt really good that I was right the other day.  I was being proactive and it helped alot.

A psychiatrist came to see Angel and Angel smiled at him.   They decided to change one of his meds. 

Well something happened around 3pm.  Angel was sleeping and I noticed that his bp was going up.  Suddenly he woke up agitated.  Really agitated.  I just couldn't calm him at all.  I asked all the questions again.  No answer.  Another nurse came in and gave him some meds.  It didn't work.  She asked him. "Are you scared?"  He nodded viciously.  Then he gave this look like he was about to cry.  OMW  It was just awful.  At that time Debbie from the transplant team, came in.  She even tried.  Finally Rebbecca (a nurse) looked at me and said .. I need to you to leave.  So I did.  Debbie told me to take a walk with her and she walked me right out of the hospital to sit on the bench.  I had no clue I was shaking so bad.  I did cry also of course.  Debbie talked with me for a long time.

Since Angel was now sedated, there wasn't much to do in the room but read and watch tv.

Steph came last night with new ear buds!  So now I can hear a bit better.  We had a nice time chatting and she got my mind off things. 

Now this morning, I walk in at 6:30 and Angel is awake and watching tv.  He still isn't acting completely normal but he is awake.  He was following commands.  His eyes even followed mine to the clock on the other side of the room.  His bp was up and down but Lidia (night nurse) would tell him to calm down and he would nod and try.  He was doing awesome. 

During shift change, I didn't leave right away because I just didn't want to leave him alone while awake.  He started coughing and had saliva all in his mouth.  He got very anxious and I called for someone to suction him.  When the nurse came with the suction he practically leapt at it.  She thought she had it all and walked away but he got really upset and kept pointing to his mouth.  I asked if he had more and he nodded.  At that point Rebecca and Denise showed up and I told them.. so Denise suctioned him until he was satisfied.. however, they started back up the propofol.  I really wish they didn't have to do that.  I didn't ask why because technically I wasn't even supposed to be there.  He was off the Propofol since midnight and was doing great.

This is so Frustrating!