Letters to Angel - You are keeping me busy....

I am so exhausted.  But it is a good exhaustion.  We have been here a month now.  Such  a long time.  On Sunday you were awake most of the day.  I stayed with you all morning.  You were feisty though.  You started to tip your body sideways so you could reach the tube in your nose.  Not a good thing to do at all.

I managed to talk to Neal (your nurse) about letting you see Anna.  When mom and Mike arrived, I went out to greet them.  I called to see if we could go  in.  Neal came on the phone to tell me that you pulled out your GI tube.  So we had to wait longer and when we did go in you were sedated. 

We decided to head over to Friendly's and maybe when we got back you would be awake for Anna.  Steph arrived and ate with us.  She met Mike for the first time and thought he was a trip.  We headed back and tried to see you again.  This time you looked at us but no real reaction.  You were now wearing boxing gloves (so it looked like) to keep your hands off your tube.  You were not happy at all.  Jade couldn't help but laugh and mom said it looked like you were going to punch me.  I decided to stay a bit longer that night.  Just to make sure you were ok.

Monday morning you had moved to a new room!  You went from the Dark Side over to the Light Side (as Tony from respiratory calls it).  Your new room has a window.  Unfortunately it is supposed to rain all week but you can't have everything.

You were more awake than usual.  Keeping me busy again.  The nurses have been letting me stay with you during shift change.  You actually get very anxious to see me now.  Lidia was trying to talk to me outside your door but you were going crazy trying to get me to go in.  You also did very well not pulling out your tubes when I am in the room. 

On Tuesday you had Betty for your nurse.  She had told you a few days earlier not to be giving her the evil eye.  LOL.  I really like her.  She kept me by your side all day.  She also managed to get you into a chair.  She is persistent too.  You also had your staples removed.  I wasn't able to count them all as I was hoping to.

While you have been doing really well, you are also very sleep deprived.  You are not sleeping at night at all.  Wednesday I walked in and saw Rubi downstairs getting coffee..  She said "Guess who I have!"  She then told me she was not letting me or anyone in the room.  You had been sleeping since 4am and she won't even let the other nurses in the room.  She was really nice about it and did let me at least see you.  She had given you something the night before that is apparently for pain but helped you sleep.

When I walked in at 10:30.. It was the real you for maybe 2 hours.  You were still tired but you asked the nurse what was in the syringe she was going to give you.  You were understanding and answering everything very well.  At one point I got teary and you asked me why I was crying.. I said it was good tears.  Slowly throughout the day however you got more confused. Around 2 or so.. diarrhea started and every time they turned you, you looked so scared.

Then another nurse came on at 3-4ish.  She was very slow.  I would say that you needed a bed pan or you needed to be cleaned and it would take forever. I offered to help turn you to the side but nope.. had to be a nurse to do it and it would take her forever to find a nurse. She was so slow that you started to freak from being on your side too long, and the diarrhea was worse each time.  The first change she told me I had to leave.  I looked at her and said.. Everyone else lets me stay.  She didn't argue.  She did however feel the need to medicate you 3 times before even starting to change you. 

She gave you more adavar, more hadol, every time.. and you just got worse and worse

at 7.. You were so restless and trying to get out of bed every 10 mins.  I was calming you, cold cloth everything I could to keep you calm.  She looked at me and said I had to leave.. I told her I will be back at 8:30.. I can't leave him like this. She said.. why don't you stay.  I have another patient and I can't keep watching him.  So I stayed.

I was asking questions. I asked some questions about the possibility of the adavar and hadol making it worse. She ended up getting the doctor on call, who came and talked to me about what I have been noticing.  They didn't want to give him what he got the night before because it is for pain and you kept saying you weren't in pain.  Well, you shot up again, trying to get up.. and I said .. are you in pain!  and you finally shook yes! The Doc was standing right there, so they gave you the meds and I stayed until you fell asleep.

Today you seem calmer and sleepy.  I am praying you have a better day.